What Kids Know About Emotions That Adults Forget
Children don’t come to therapy with walls. They come with crayons, with questions, with wide eyes and raw feelings. And in their presence, I’ve learned some of the deepest truths about healing — not from books or theories, but from the way they live their emotions without shame.
As a psychologist, I can confidently say this: sometimes, the smallest humans hold the biggest wisdom. And if we let them, they can teach us how to return to parts of ourselves we’ve forgotten.
As a psychologist, I often find myself sitting with adults tangled in layers of past experiences, expectations, fears, and forgotten emotions. We talk about boundaries, inner child work, unlearning beliefs, regulating the nervous system — all powerful tools.
But every once in a while, I sit with a child…
And I’m reminded of something I often forget:
Children don’t need to “heal” the way we do.
They are the wisdom.
In their laughter, their tantrums, their honesty, and their presence, they reflect truths that most adults spend years trying to find again.
They Feel Without Shame
A child doesn’t apologise for being overwhelmed.
They don’t say “sorry” for crying, or giggling too loud, or needing a hug in the middle of the day.
They feel, fully and unapologetically.
Adults? We’ve learned to package our feelings. To stay polite. To perform okay-ness.
But children show us what it means to honour emotion as it arises not as it fits into a schedule.
That’s not emotional immaturity.
That’s emotional fluency.
They Teach Us That Regulation Comes From Safety, Not Suppression
A child who feels safe will co-regulate beautifully.
They’ll cry, scream, even rage — and then return to calm with stunning ease. Why?
Because they trust the space, the adult, and their own body.
Adults often confuse control for calm.
We suppress, we hold in, we numb.
But kids? They move through the emotion.
And in that, they teach us what regulation truly is not control, but completion.
They Know When Something Feels Off
Children are incredibly attuned to tone, to tension, to what’s unsaid.
They’ll walk into a room and sense discomfort even before words are exchanged.
They’ll ask, “Why are you sad?” even if you’ve smiled the whole time.
That’s not a coincidence. That’s intuition.
And it’s something many adults have silenced in themselves over time because life teaches us to override our gut.
But every child reminds me: The body knows. The heart always knows.
Expression Is Their Default Language
Give a child crayons, and they’ll draw out what they can’t yet say.
Give them a safe room, and they’ll turn play into a therapy session without even realising it.
They teach us that expression isn’t about logic.
It’s about energy being given a place to land.
Whether it’s role play, storytelling, dancing like chaos, or just screaming into a pillow — kids remind us that we are not meant to hold everything in.
They Offer Unfiltered Connection
The best thing about working with children?
They don’t pretend to be okay when they’re not.
They’re raw. Honest. Curious.
And when they trust you, the connection is real — not filtered through ego, status, or fear.
That, to me, is therapy in its purest form.
Not fixing. Not analysing. Just being with.
What If We Let Ourselves Be More Like Them?
As adults, we often seek to “reparent our inner child.”
But sometimes, the healing starts by just watching a child be.
Noticing how they play, how they cry, how they return to joy.
And gently asking ourselves:
> “When did I stop doing that?”
“When did I decide this part of me wasn’t allowed?”
So yes — I believe kids are the best therapists.
Not because they have degrees or diagnoses.
But because they hold a mirror up to our most authentic selves.
They remind us that we were whole before we were hurt.
And in the presence of their unfiltered truth, we begin to remember ours.
Untangled Therapy Services
🧠 Helping people unlearn, soften, and come home to themselves.
When Love Feels Like Survival: Understanding Trauma Responses in Relationships
“You’re not hard to love. Your nervous system just doesn’t feel safe yet.”
Sometimes, the fights, the silence, the shutdowns… aren’t about the other person at all.
They’re about old wounds trying to keep you safe in a new love.
This isn’t self-sabotage.
It’s self-protection.
Let’s talk about trauma responses in relationships—and how healing love can look.
Sometimes, we find ourselves reacting in ways we don’t fully understand—pulling away from the person we love most, getting angry over something small, or feeling panicked when things are calm. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why am I like this in relationships?”, know that you’re not alone. And more importantly, you’re not broken.
Many of us are walking into relationships with wounds we’ve never had the chance to tend to. Childhood experiences, past heartbreaks, betrayals, or moments when we didn’t feel safe—these moments live in our nervous system. And when we love, when we let someone in, that old fear of being hurt again sometimes shows up as protection. We call these trauma responses.
Fight, Flight, Freeze… or Fawn
You may have heard of the four common trauma responses—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. Each of these is your body’s way of saying, “I’m scared. I don’t feel safe. I need to protect myself.”
Fight might look like arguing, getting defensive, or needing to be “right” to feel secure.
Flight can be emotionally withdrawing, leaving conversations, or needing space to regulate.
Freeze might feel like shutting down, going numb, or not knowing how to respond in the moment.
Fawn often shows up as people-pleasing, saying yes when we mean no, or molding ourselves to avoid conflict.
These aren’t signs of being too much or too sensitive—they are signs that you have survived.
Relationships Can Feel Risky for Survivors
When your nervous system is used to chaos or hurt, even safe love can feel foreign. A kind partner might make you suspicious. Consistency might make you anxious. You might self-sabotage without meaning to, just to regain a sense of control. This is your trauma trying to predict the future, trying to protect you from hurt it remembers too well.
It’s important to know: you’re not reacting to the present—your body is reacting to the past.
Healing Isn’t About Perfection
Healing doesn’t mean never getting triggered. It means recognizing when you are. It means pausing and asking, “What am I feeling right now? What do I need?” It means learning to communicate gently with your partner, letting them know when you’re struggling, and choosing to stay—even when it’s uncomfortable.
Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is not run, not shut down, not lash out. But simply stay and let love hold you through the hard moment.
What You Can Do
Name your patterns. Awareness is the first step to breaking a cycle.
Communicate, even if it’s messy. “I’m feeling overwhelmed. I think this is about something old. Can you hold space for me?” is powerful.
Let your partner in. They don’t need to fix you, just understand you.
Consider therapy. Trauma-informed therapy can help you gently explore where these patterns come from and how to shift them.
Love Deserves to Feel Safe
You deserve a love that doesn’t feel like a battlefield. A love where you’re not constantly bracing for something to go wrong. And that love is possible—not because you never get triggered again, but because you learn to love yourself through your triggers.
If this spoke to you, take a moment to place a hand on your heart and remind yourself: I am safe now. I am healing. I don’t have to survive love—I get to feel it.